TURNING DREAMS INTO REALITY

How many times have you texted him, just to turn around and delete everything you poured your heart into saying to get closure? He’s ignored you, sent your calls to voicemail, blocked you from his social media and stopped coming around, all out the blue. You’ve said a mouth full, touched on some sensitive subjects in your text and felt confident enough in sending it, at least you did at first. Once you’ve read everything you wrote all over for the 10th time, you hesitate, then delete because you don’t want him to take what you say out of context and much rather say it person. Then again, you convince yourself that you just may be jumping to conclusions and something could seriously be wrong, but you’re not sure at the moment because he hasn’t responded to you at all. So you wait! Of course, this has happened to many of us. But, there comes a time in a life when we just got be honest with ourselves and face the truth. You are not the first, and definitely not the last that this has happened too. One minute he’s spending quality time with you, planning you all’s future, telling you how much he enjoys your company and how he want’s spend the rest of his life with you, the next he’s gone MIA. Now you’re clueless as to what you could have said, or done wrong, leaving you feeling lost with anxiety and unanswered questions. You’ve called, text, messaged him on his social media, left voicemails and contemplated on whether or not to do a quick ride by well check, but then you chicken out, because you didn’t want to come off as being insecure or crazy. The suspense of possibilities has you wondering in the back of your mind, that there could be someone else, but you try to do everything possible to block that thought of deceit out. You’re Facebook notifications just alerted you of new updates and post. Now you’re wondering why he’s posted up on his social media, replying to other’s comments, but when you try to comment, it’s not allowed. Your thoughts and feeling are all over the place and it’s gotten to the point to where you can’t eat, sleep, or think of anything else but him and why he hasn’t communicated with you. Weeks go by and now you’re convinced that he’s not interested in being with you anymore, so you slowly start coming back around to your old self. You finally stopped feeling like you need to be with him and changed your status from complicated to single. It’s funny how those tables turn and suddenly from out of nowhere, you get a text saying, “What’s up stranger”? Your heartrate speeds up, your anxiety kicks in and you want to reply so bad, as a sense of relief comes over you now knowing that he’s okay.  Although you held off as long as you could, you really want to hear his voice and an explanation. Anticipating the wait, you found yourself reading his text and listening to his voicemails over and over, then boom, you reply back to his text saying, “CALL ME” and he doesn’t respond after. Wow, you just fell for his disappearing acts once again, but this time, you’ve had enough of his BS. A few days later, you post a few selfies on your Instagram and Facebook, the comments and likes start rolling in. All of sudden, you get a DM from you know who. This time you ignore him like he ignored you. You want to move forward, leave the past in the past and be happy. You deserve happiness right? Because you didn’t respond, he repeatedly texts you, calls, messages you on social media, leaves you voicemails and actually stops by your house without an invite. Now that’s crazy! Those tables sure do turn quick when you give back what they put out. It’s not your fault that he fail to be honest with you from the jump and disregarded your feelings. It’s obvious he got comfortable with you allowing him to pop in and out of your life whenever he pleased. Now he’s worried about you, what you doing, who you with, why he’s blocked from your social media, why his calls keep going to voicemail and why you’re not responded to him through text, since he’s finally decided to reach out to you. Fella’s, let’s be honest and fair with one another. “WE” (women) get tired of being that good, solid and loyal woman that’s suppose to wait for you to change, do things on your time, accept the things that you would never accept if we did it, continue to ride for you, until we realize that we’ve been riding for ourselves, the whole time. Now I’m not speaking for everyone, so let’s make that clear. But a lot of what I stated, many can relate. I can honestly say that I’ve experienced this in my past and let’s just say, lesson learned! The more I asked him why he continued to hurt me, I begin to realize that I was actually hurting myself by allowing him to keep coming back. This behavior became the norm for us and the more he distance himself from me, I no longer questioned him, there was no need to argue about the truth. My silence spoke volumes to him. I gave him exactly what he gave me. Peace! While he was busy doing him and living his best life. I was making plans without him and preparing myself for my future. Time reveals all and when it all finally hit the fan, I was out! There was no coming back to what he had no desire in keeping in the first place. He was comfortable with the old me, but I no longer lived there anymore. So you see, l had to go through what I went through, to realize my worth and find my true self. He had to sit still and realize that he lost a dime, while chasing pennies in the streets. But of course, his story will be different with a plot twist, because that’s just how the story goes, but my truth still remains the same. No love lost on my end and I hope he understands, but when a woman’s fed, “it aint nothing you can do about it”.

Written By

Dishayna Perkins

One day, you will stop worrying about where he’s going, where he is, who he’s with and where he’s been. You will stop convincing yourself that the relationship is worth fighting for and why it’s best to not keep accepting all the excuses he gives, because you already know the truth. If he showed you once, he’s definitely going to show you again. Even though your intuition has guided you to see the person that he really is, truth be told, you stayed for all the wrong reasons. Yes, I said it! Now I can’t speak for every women, but many of us women have been there, including myself. We’ve tolerated so much, maybe more than we should have. But, one things for sure, at any given moment, we all reach that breaking point. Now don’t get me wrong, I know it’s easier said than done. I get it! You’ve built so much together and hate to see it all go down the drain. But remember this, don’t take the blame for something that you didn’t do. Everything is not your fault and possibly none of it is! You did your part, you held it down, you took care of business, you loved so hard, until you had nothing more to give. You stayed, you prayed and then you had enough. Let’s be real, sometimes we stay in unhealthy relationships due to the fear of being alone and not wanting to start over. You may have kids together, fear being chosen over, or feel undesirable by them loving or spending time with someone else. Oh and let’s not forget about them starting a whole new life family outside of the one he has with you, leaving you with all the bills and other responsibilities. The list goes on, but it is what it is. Once you’ve reach that vulnerable state and allow yourself to become disconnected to what’s really going on, things can become even more complicated. Sometimes, being physically, intimately, mentally and emotionally tied to someone can make matters worse than what we could have ever imagined. The people around us expresses what they see; the hair loss, the weight loss, the sadness in our face and let’s not leave out how distant and mute you’ve become.  Fast forward, back to reality! Ignoring all the warning signs and red flags, can definitely cost you your peace of mind. His manipulation and fake apologies will no longer be accepted. His scripted future plans no longer exist, because he’s never acted on them anyway. Are you woke yet! You’re tired and want to be loved like you deserve to be loved. You want to be touched without a schedule. You want to be happy and taken seriously. You want to be noticed and not ignored. You want to feel protected. You deserve a commitment of loyalty and respect. Forget about the lies, excuses and deceit. One day, you will finally get tired of working so hard to keep him and say enough is enough, I’m done living this lie. I thought he was for me, but he was meant for someone else, clearly. I’m throwing in the towel, no more tears or fears. This is it, I deserve better and I intend to do better. It’s time that I stop discounting myself just because he doesn’t see my value and true worth. No more worries! It’s time to love me more than I ever have and move on. So, with all that being said, today is my new beginning, cheers to future!

Written By

Dishayna Perkins